Stand By Me

1 Apr

I know that most of my friends have tried to stand by me through the challenging experience with my husband’s Alzheimer’s and I appreciate it.  However, no friend can really understand unless he/she walks the same path.  The greatest gift of friendship for me, at a time I really needed it, came from my attending an A.D. support group in 2010…

My life was off-balance as I felt so alone in my relationship with Ernie and his Alzheimer’s.  Reluctantly, I signed us up for a support group that included both the care giver and the family member with A.D.  It was there that I met Linda.  Although we had different backgrounds, we were both the same age, shared similar careers, and found ourselves at the same stages of acceptance of our husbands’ Alzheimer’s disease.  Little did I know that she would become one of my very closest of friends and confidants!

Her husband, although younger than mine, had been successful and extremely respected in his career, as was Ernie.  Both of the men were at similar stages of the disease and became buddies from the start.  Linda and I arranged the first social get together, as a foursome, for dinner.   Through the next year, we planned meals, movies, concerts, local theatre and events, and weekend trips and vacations together — all four of us.   Ernie and Alan had their relationship, while Linda and I had our friendship with full understanding of each others’  challenges.  We talked daily by phone, supporting each other through all the ups and downs of our lives.  Together, we made it our goal to learn more about Alzheimer’s. We researched, attended programs, visited senior  and assisted living centers, and looked for the best care solutions for our husbands and ourselves going forward. We wanted to give Ernie and Alan the most happiness we could and, at the same time, make life more bearable for ourselves.

Through Linda’s friendship, I have found myself feeling more balanced in my stance —  I don’t know what I would have done without her.

My advice to other care partners:  Attend support groups.  Find support from someone who walks the same path.    Having a friendship through true understanding, will allow each of you to stand together and feel more grounded.

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